Theory on Happiness #2: Givers and Takers

Much has been written about the differences between people, in particular, the differences between men and women. For example, some have theorized that men are from Mars and women are from Venus; a theory that I believe has gained in popularity because the word “Venus” sounds vaguely like “penis”. That having been said, things are not quite so complex as to require multiple alien origins to explain. When it comes down to it, there are two types of people: givers and takers. This framework is true in general, but it is particularly helpful when it comes to dating and relationships.

The principles of the givers and takers theory are quite simple. First of all, givers give. They give of themselves and of what they have freely and with little regard for how logical it may or may not be. Second of all, takers take. They take everything they can and they always want more. If we believe these two principles to be true, then it is easy to conclude that, in order for a relationship to be successful, you can’t have a giver and a taker. You need either two givers or two takers. This theory is illustrated by the following diagrams:

The first two diagrams show balanced conditions. In the first, the two givers cancel each other out so that they both get some of the box, which represents love, happiness, food, shelter, the remote, orgasms, etc. The second diagram shows a similar situation with two takers continually trying to take the “box” from each other. This might seem like a negative, but the two takers are so self-absorbed that they don't realize they're just taking the same stuff back and forth. This constant taking makes them happy even if it doesn't actually increase the amount of "box" that each of them has relative to the other. The final diagram shows what happens when you mix these two types of people. As would be expected, the taker ends up with the entire “box” and the giver ends up with the metaphorical puddle of tears (herpes).

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