Monday, March 23, 2009

Texting, Dating, and Confusion...

Just as technology in general has changed the world, texting has definitely “revolutionized” dating. The jury is still out on whether this has been a positive or negative revolution, but it has definitely been an interesting one. One of the most interesting aspects of texting and dating is the amount of confusion it causes. This can be a problem even when both people like each other, and it can reach truly awesome proportions when the two people are on the outs. Take the conversation below. The girl has completely written off the guy after several weeks of no contact. The guy, on the other hand, thinks that it’s a small problem and that he can "totally get back in there." Our team of relationship scientists has translated each message to standard English (see parts italicized in parenthesis) to highlight the confusion. Let the games begin:

Guy: Congrats on your contest (Hey, can we pretend nothing happened?)

Girl: oh thank you (Why are you talking to me now? Are you serious?!?)

Guy: how are you? Did work put up from the contest? (See, I’m being nice and thoughtful. You know you miss me. Especially how mysterious I am when I randomly string words together.)

Girl: good, busy
what do you mean? (Why are we even talking? I don’t like you anymore.)

Guy: I got hurt at work 3 weeks ago
Did the contest get your name out there? (This is why I stopped talking to you. Please forgive me. If you ask me, I have an inspirational story that goes with my “injury”.)

Girl: oh Im sorry to hear that. (Yeah, right! I don’t believe anything you say! Nothing!)

Guy: a little boy I knew passed from brain cancer
a shitty 3 weeks for me (Do you hear that?? Cancer! My life is deep and tragic. You’re a bitch if you don’t forgive me!)

Girl: oh i have had people come up to me for work but not through the contest. (I don’t give a crap about little boy or cancer! Did your phone have cancer too?!?)

Guy: good. I am happy for you babe. You deserve it (What the hell?!? I just said a little boy died from cancer! That’s my best material.)

Girl: thanks (That’s right! I’m tired of your shit!)

Guy: Isn’t Damian Maia amazing?
I just saw the last UFC (Ok, I see that you’ve accepted my story, let’s resume our normal relationship by talking about what we both like.)

Girl: what is that? (Haven’t you been listening? I’m not accepting your story.)

Guy: Damian Maia. BJJ fighter (No, no, you’re totally accepting the story. I know you are.)

Girl: oh you mean with sanchez vs stevenson
last Saturday (What the fuck!!!)

Guy: yes!
an amazing card.. I DVR it (See, I told you. Just relax. Remember how cool I am and how rock hard my abs are.)

Girl: yeah i watched that, i have the last round tivoed, BUT i think its safe to say diego won (I’m speechless…)

Guy: yes he did
it was a boxing match. (I’m glad we’re back together.)

Girl: yeah i figured (We’re not back together...)

Guy: That was the most boxing fight that night
still kicking ass at the gym?
I was doing 1 hour of cardio a day for 2 weeks and didn't lose shit.lol (We totally are. Look how much we have in common. Remember the gym? That’s our thing!)

Girl: yeah i was talking with my friend about that all night, all wanna stand now no one wants to take it to the ground
yeah i still go to the gym (I was on a date with a hot guy watching the fight without you, jackass!!!)

Guy: I don't like UFC boxing,lol
You look amazing as usual (You whore! I knew it! It’s ok. I still love you. We can work this out.)

Girl: oh thx, yeah i love working out (No shit I look hot! You stupid, stupid person.)

Guy: sexy.. good for you
XOOXoX miss ya (I knew you would see things my way.)

Girl: Ummm
so to be honest, i don't really know what to say to you. i feel a lil weird. (WTF?! Who do you think you are?!? No, I do know what to say to you but you are not worth my time. You bore me!)

Guy: Thats ok I understand
when bad shit happens to me I tend to shut down
I am sorry. (Don’t you remember my story??? I was injured! There was a boy with cancer! CANCER!!!)

Girl: i assumed you were just like done with me so i moved on with my feelings. (I don’t give a crap about cancer!!!)

Guy: you didn't do anything wrong (I didn’t do anything wrong!)

Girl: oh i know i didn't (Oh, yes you did! You’re a fucking moron!)

Guy: I appoligize (Ok, fine, you want an apology? Here it is! I’m going to spell it wrong though…)

Girl: i'm not upset
things happen (I don’t want your stupid spelled wrong apology. Too little too late!)

Guy: ok
big hug! (Sweet! I’m glad you forgive me. It’s great to be back together… again.)

Girl: um no big hug though (We’re not back together!!! Stop saying that!!!)

Guy: lol
ok
talk to you soon? (What?!? I’m so confused. Didn’t you listen to my story?!?! What’s wrong with you???)

Girl: to be really really honest - i don't trust you... and i know that sounds harsh bc you obviously had a rough patch there but i rather protect myself bc it did hurt a little at the time when i did not hear from you. (You are pathetic. Leave me alone.)

Guy: ok
we will see (Ok, so how long do you need? Two? Three weeks?)

Girl: what ya mean (What?!?)

Guy: keep in touch (Ok, three weeks it is.)

Girl: Okay (No, don’t talk to me anymore.)

Guy: ok
oxoxox
sorry again
have a great day at work babe (You just need time to let the awesomeness of my story sink in. I’ll talk to you in three weeks.)

Girl: Bye (You have a small penis!)

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